Forgiveness is a very hard pill to swallow, but I finally get it! Since I was very young, I allowed offense, hurt, anger, resentment and unforgiveness to settle into my mind, heart, soul and spirit, and since it had never been healed or resolved, it turned into a deep-seated root of bitterness that defiled others and myself. Because this root of bitterness penetrated deep into the soil (soul), it was nearly impossible to extract. Instead of letting them go, I replayed in my mind every offense directed at me. Waiting for acknowledgements of wrong or apologies from others that never came would anger me, and I would rationalize withholding forgiveness. They say that harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
As I began to read and confess “Freedom from Unforgiveness” on the Whole Health Club, the words began to sink in slowly, revealing to me the effects of not forgiving. Internalizing all of the hurt I had allowed to settle in my heart, I had become awful over the years, hurting others a lot of times without knowing it, thinking I was alright, but in reality I was a mess.
Unforgiveness was affecting me mentally, physically and spiritually. Mentally, I had become negative about everything. My demeanor didn’t match with what a Christian should look, speak, and act like. Looking back I wonder: what was I thinking? Spiritually, my relationship with Christ went spiraling down. I no longer felt close to Christ, the need to pray, read the word, or go to church. I wasn’t able to hear from Him, anymore. I had no fire in me, or focus on Him, for I was consumed and bound with anger, unforgiveness and bitterness. Physically, I came down with different kinds of medical conditions from the top of my head to the soles of my feet, aches and pains.
I thought for sure that God was punishing me for all of my foolish decisions and actions, however it is Satan who comes to steal, kill and destroy. Once I truly understood this, then I was able to see that God was not against me but for me. As I continued in the “Freedom from Unforgiveness” confessions, I became aware of many strongholds that had me bound and heavy burdened, hindering my growth and walk with Christ. Next, I went on to deliverance. Deliverance was necessary for me because I was continually going around the same cycle over and over again, getting nowhere. When I went through deliverance, it helped release the spirits that had me bound. The Lord showed me I needed to surrender all of me to Him and allow Him to work out everything in my life. He also showed me that my words and thoughts needed to be changed, and only through confessing and meditating on His word would my life take a different direction.
Wanting me to fail, the enemy was right there to tempt and challenge me in all of the areas the Lord had delivered me. Every time I began walking the right path and getting closer to God, there would be distractions cleverly disguised to throw me off, or hinder my walk.
But now I don’t accept, or receive offense like I used to, I don’t let negative thoughts come in and dwell in my mind, I don’t allow the sun to go down in my anger, and I am more willing to give grace. Not expecting the other person to feel remorse or apologize, I just forgive. I am so much more at peace, open to the Holy Spirit to hear His will and purpose for my life. Instead of trying to fix or figure things out, I just give them to God and let Him take care of them. In light of God’s forgiveness of me, I realized I should be able to forgive others. I continually remind myself that I am a new creation, that I was crucified with Christ and no longer live, but it is Christ who lives in me and through me. Also, I consider all trials joy, because it is God who is working everything out for my good and His glory. I can trust Him, for he is my refuge, savior, healer, deliverer, provider, redeemer and protector.
Forgiveness was a very hard pill for me to swallow, but God, the Living Water, made it possible, ridding me of the root of bitterness.
If you read “Freedom from Forgiveness”, all of the confessions spoke to me. That is how much unforgiveness I had accumulated in my heart, soul, spirit and mind over the years. This testimony was not easy to write, it took me a long time, for I had to really come to terms with issues in my life that are shameful. God is not through with me yet, can’t wait to see what else He is going to work out in my life!
Anonymous
