I was a young 20-year-old girl, newly married, with dreams of a house, children, and a white picket fence. Married life was good and eventually I was blessed with two healthy, beautiful children. My husband was an excellent provider but worked way too much. He had two jobs and traveled for both of his jobs. He was gone a good percentage of time while our children were young. Eventually our marriage became broken.
I started attending church and eventually brought my husband and kids. My health at this time was not good. I was not sleeping well, eating horribly, and not exercising very much. I began having anxiety attacks. At first I didn’t know what they were, so I went to my doctor. He started me on anti-depression medication. I went through about eight different medications but none of them seemed to help. I started reading more about depression and educating myself about it, yet I was getting more depressed by the day. I started crying and sleeping a lot. I often didn’t want to get out of bed and didn’t want to socialize with anyone. This continued for a few years. Things got so bad that I would leave the house and go sleep in my car in a park and just cry for hours and be totally exhausted.
One night my husband and son had gone to bed and my daughter was talking on the phone. I got into the car to leave but didn’t. I started the car and just sat in the garage zoned out, thinking to myself, “No one would miss me, I’m not happy, no one is happy with me, it would be just much easier if I was just gone.” Apparently I was in the car for a while and passed out from the fumes and exhaustion. The next thing I remember was my daughter shaking me and saying to me “Mom, are you alright?” Apparently I wasn’t too with it and then remembered my husband getting in the car with me, turning off the car, and trying to convince me to get out and go inside to bed. I did and that was the first time I realized I was trying to take my life.
I didn’t want to talk to anyone, but just wanted to sleep. When I didn’t answer my phone or come to the door, a friend called another friend, they came to my house, and for a while both kept ringing my doorbell until I answered the door. They convinced me to go to the hospital, so I went only because I was tired of them pestering me. The doctor examined me and suggested that I go to the psych ward. I Baker Acted myself into the ward for about five days. I learned how to get myself better and was eventually released back home.
After this episode we started counseling as a couple, and I also did one on one counseling. Well, we were learning how to communicate better but things really didn’t change, because I was bitter and angry inside and this is what was making me depressed. I wanted a marriage relationship with my husband and I didn’t have it.
The Holy Spirit spoke to me in church one Sunday through Hebrews 12:15, “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many”. He showed me how I had allowed a bitter root to grow in my heart and how it was defiling me, hurting our marriage, and hurting our children!
Just from that one verse my life began to go in a new direction. The Holy Spirit showed me how to take back my life by forgiving. I began trusting God every day by studying His Word and praying. I also received much breakthrough in deliverance prayers, and by confessing and meditating on the Word of God daily I began growing and healing so much! With help from prayers and confessions on the Whole Health Club, I know how to quickly forgive by using the Word of God, being reminded that I am forgiver who freely forgives as Jesus has forgiven me, keeping no record of wrongs. It’s amazing to me how quickly I am at peace in my heart.
Today I am stronger than ever by the grace of God! I thank God for showing me the way of confession and meditation as it’s really His way to heal and free me! Now it’s so easy living in peace by appreciating God and others, and praising the Lord for all He has done for me in my life!
Through confessing and meditating on God’s promises in His Word my heart was healed from all depression, but I received much more than that! Through the Whole Health Club’s Freedom confessions and prayers I’ve been so blessed and am enjoying my marriage and children more than ever, and they are enjoying me.
I can do all things through Christ, the Word, who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)
Your sister in Christ, Julie
